It's official!

Holy freakin' Toledo. I'm engaged.

This is going to be short, and it won't be some fabulous literary masterpiece because the event is over a week old and I'm too tired to be dramatic.

Actually, I don't even feel like telling all the details. How boring am I?

Here's all you really need to know: I'm engaged to my best friend, an incredible man who treats me better than I dreamed any man ever would. (A man who didn't also drive me crazy with dorkiness, that is. I always figured I would get either a handsome, cool jerk or a kind, sweet nerd. Of for two, thank goodness.) Oh, and did I mention the dream ring? :D

The best part is, I know beyond any doubt that this is the right thing for me to do. I didn't know for awhile, so it's wonderful to be sure. I'm sure we have no idea what we're getting into, but it's right to get into it.

Lol. (I really did, I didn't just type it.) This is not as romantic and mushy as an engagement announcement likely should be. Maybe I should have waited until I was fully rested and hadn't had a stressful-as-heck day to write it.

Should I Save as Draft, or Publish Post?

Eeny, Meeny, Mieney, Moe...




It landed on Save, but now I'm thinking it's kind of funny, so I'll ignore the cosmos that told me through a rhyme not to, and publish it.

I really am excited. Honest. Watch:

YAY I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!




See? :)

The jorb.

So I did my first three days of work this week. Was pretty fun. Looks like my job is mainly to play with kids while listening and talking to them, and here and there interjecting lessons about how they should be behaving. All this while you're making hot dog mummies, drawing pictures, going through corn mazes, visiting the Idaho Museum of Natural History, and other fun junk.

And I get paid for this.

YEUH.

Isn't "egg flower" a sort of oxymoron?

I got the jobs! Both of them, in fact. I didn't think I even would want the second one since most of the work will be an hour away at first, but the guy who interviewed me (my new boss) was so cool, so up front with me, and so willing to work with me and make me feel comfortable, that I took the second one. I hope I made the right decision. I feel like I have. I'll be making $16-$17 an hour with benefits, 25 hours a week to start, and best of all: I don't have to dress like a real grown-up! I can wear a t-shirt and jeans every day! WOO!

I start Tuesday. So I still have some time to transition from lazy college graduate who sometimes doesn't get up until noon to working girl. Small blessings.

I called Mr. St. Anthony Job and told him thanks but I was going to take my other offer, and he caught me off-guard by asking why. Ack! The reasons why, except for benefits, might have sounded rude! The other company seems like it will be more fun, and I felt that my boss there will be more accomodating among other things. So I lamely stuttered, "Uh, you know, it really just felt right." Luckily, everyone around here is Mormon, so I knew he would take that answer. But I sweated it out for a few panicky seconds before I thought of that.

Ok, I feel really lazy. A power-walking girl who I passed driving Jason home half an hour ago just walked by my window. And I'm sitting here. And I haven't gone to the gym since Monday.

Pardon me while I go do some crunchies.

Yay autumn!

I had my first non-retail job interview on Friday. I made a few mistakes, but overall I think it went ok. I wasn't expecting to have to write essays, though. How am I supposed to know what I could do for a borderline personality disorder patient to "lessen her symptoms"? They're supposed to train me for that! It felt like a test I didn't know I was going to have and therefore didn't study for. (I guess that would be called a pop quiz. I'm so dang wordy.)

Nothing much else to report right now. I'm actually really liking fall here in Idaho. The trees are so pretty! I forgot all the colors that come out this time of year, the sight of mountains of pumpkins outside Albertson's, the prospect of carving them into Homestar characters and roasting the seeds, and the sound of crunching leaves under my feet.

Anyway, I gotta enjoy this before winter comes.

We've enjoyed serving you for the last 22 years.

I'm typing on my brother's weirdo keyboard, so there will probably be typos.

I've been packing up my room; I came home (I should put that in quotes; where is home now, anyway?) and my room was ransacked. Most of my furniture was gone; my parents brought it up to Idaho for me, that was so nice. My room has been a wreck for ages, but this time was so much worse. I know I'm spoiled, but I've never, ever come home without having my bed ready for me and my room almost just how I left it.

I was standing there just now, looking around, after I finished all the cleaning, organizing, and throwing away, and thinking how empty it looked. Some of my stuff is still in there, and it still has my flavor, but it's different. And a terrible thought came to me.

My room doesn't welcome me anymore.

Then I modified the thought: my room tries feebly to welcome me, but it's not entirely succeeding.

I think of it saying, You're back! Oh, please forgive the mess. How are you?? Well, just put your suitcase down right there, and go to sleep in the nice soft be--oh, well, that's not here anymore. I'd entertain you with TV or music, but those have been removed also. But I'm fighting! I still have a phone--and books! Lots of books!

My room is going out of business. So is my childhood.

Why don't translators EVER work?

Seriously. I think I'll be all cute, talking Spanish to Jason out of nowhere, and I try to say something romantic only to have him start convulsing in laughter and tell me I actually said I resent the jelly for being a great dane's shoe or something.

I should be on my way to Ashley Tovar's right now, but I haven't written in forever. Jason came down here to Nor Cal for a week, and everyone seems to really like him. Then we went down to So Cal to see his folks for a few days. That was really fun; they seem to like me, and they're really good people. I sent them a thank-you note yesterday. I'm a brown-noser.

We went to Disneyland while we were there. It wasn't as fun as I thought it would be, but it was fun being there with Jason. We've both always wanted the chance to go there with a significant other.

Now I'm recovering from having my wisdom teeth out and learning that had I known then what I know now, I would have gorged on all the chewy, crunchy foods I could find beforehand. I mean, when a grilled cheese sandwich just kills your mouth, that's really pathetic. It could be worse; I could have cancer. I could be paralyzed. But I'm awfully tired of the liquid diet. I'd better be losing weight from this.

I'm planning on going back to ID on Tuesday, and really hoping I don't get any more delayed, because I miss my baby. I miss being there, and all my friends, and my apartment, but I miss Jason most of all. I think it's not so bad when I'm not talking to him, maybe because I'm so used to being alone and not dating anyone, but when we're on the phone, it's just torture. (Especially when he starts speaking Spanish. Oi.)

I'm really twitterpated.

I'm smitten. I'm in deep smit.

Done got mah edumacation!

Just wanted to write real fast, because it's late, and since I don't even have my desk chair in here yet, I'm kneeling on the ground to write it (so not comfy):

I graduated from college today!

I have a bachelor's degree! I'm alumni! No more homework EVER if I want! And I'm happy (and smug) to say that tonight I got in almost one hour after BYU-Idaho curfew.

Why, you ask?

BECAUSE I DON'T GO THERE ANYMORE! THAT'S WHY, SUCKERS!!! MUAH HA HA HA HAAAA!!!

Tradeoff is, I have to get a job and be a grown-up now.

...Phooey.

Well, I personally think purple and green go great together...

Officially moved into my pretty new apartment today, and it was so cool to put stuff wherever I wanted it and to just know that the place is mine. I'll have a roommate, but I could kick her out if I wanted to (not that I would, because she's awesome).

Jason and his friend brought up my free table and loveseat-with-the-dog-bite-in-front, both from the Family Crisis Center. (Don't worry, we steam-cleaned the couch before it was allowed into my place.) I also scored a sweet set of pots there yesterday. Yeah for connections! He was helping me with lots of stuff, and we sat down to rest on the loveseat. I felt strangely like we were already married and it was our first place, especially when we started kissing, and most especially when we argued good-naturedly about color schemes and decorating matters.

I love Jason so much, and want to marry him. Not tomorrow or anything, but we're so close, and he's so incredible, I truly can't imagine being without him. And although it's quite selfish, because I definitely want him for myself, I want to make him happy, too.

Hopefully I'll never have to be without him.

P.S. Rob finally sent me the pics of me 'n the fam at the temple. Awww. I miss it. I can't wait to go back and visit it next week. And go to the dedication!

gettin' better

Quick note: don't you love it when it seriously feels like everything sucks, your worst worries are coming true, nothing will go right (wait for it), and then it all gets better, even though you were sure it wouldn't and you were doomed? Maybe not all better, but much, much better. I love that. It's the best. Sleep well, world.

Jumping on the blog bandwagon.

So. Been reading friends' blogs, especially Christy's, for awhile now and thought it was intriguing, sort of an online venting system. Also, seems like a good way to see what's going on with people when you can't get ahold of them to find out. So here I go with my own blog, assuming that someone will actually want to know what's going on with me or what I'm feeling. If not, heck, it's kinda fun anyway.

I'm focused on graduating on Friday, my family coming up, finals, moving, clean check, and my relationship with Jason (not in that order). Our relationship is definitely going better than it was two days ago, thank goodness. He is still coming with me to California, and he still loves me. I hate feeling unsure, though. I was confident before, where I thought nothing could make him stop loving me. But when it looked like I might lose him, I started to second-guess myself and worry about every little thing I did. Like, if there is something wrong and he can't figure out what, and he's trying to decide if I'm right for him, what if I say the wrong thing and he takes that as a sign that it just won't work? Whereas before it was a difference we could work out or live with, now it might be a "sign" of something.

But I should just be glad that we're better, that everything isn't weird all the time anymore, and I am. But I have to admit that I feel a little different. I'm sure it'll pass. Sometimes I really do wish we were already married so it wouldn't be a question of breaking up, but an issue of, how are we going to work this out? But I love him. Barring unforseen circumstances that maybe Heavenly Father can see (but I hope not!), I could marry him and be happy. I know I could. And I want to! We just need to give it more time.

Well, that's my first blog. Not as pretty or poetic as Christy's blogs, but Rome wasn't built in a day.