I've been thinking about it this week, and I need to say that I sincerely hope I didn't offend anyone in my previous entry by the way I expressed my beliefs. I can't take them back or change them, because they are indeed my beliefs, but I know I can be abrasive in how I express them sometimes. I know that I have a long way to go in showing more love and understanding, and less anger about issues like this.
I finally put up a new baby bump pic, but it doesn't show how big I feel sometimes. Some days I'll think, "haven't I always had a belly like this?" And other days I look in the mirror and just go, "?!?!" I still wake up nearly every morning and have to remember all over again that, holy cow, I'm pregnant.
I have lots of good news this round:
I don't know that I ever mentioned that only four weeks from today, I will get to have a baby shower with my whole extended family!! My Aunt Linda and cousins Heather, Julie, and Elizabeth are flying me out to California and giving me a shower! I am SO EXCITED! I mean, of course it's going to be great to get much-needed help on providing for the baby, but I also just can't wait to see everyone and to get away from work and Idaho for a few days! We have very few friends here, and no family whatsoever, so I just can't wait to be around people who actually care. I wish I could express how grateful I am to Aunt Linda, Heather, Julie, and Liz. I wish I could buy them a vacation home in Tahiti. I'm still trying to think of something I can do for them to show them, but so far I just keep praying that the Lord will shower them with blessings for how much they bless me. They are unbelievably wonderful! I can't say that enough!
Next big yay: Jason's parents and sister, Janelle, are coming to spend Thanksgiving with us, at our place! We were wondering what we'd do about TG so we wouldn't have to spend it alone, and we're excited that we actually get to host someone else for once. I feel like I lead dual lives, like a spy: I go home and stay at my parents', I see my friends, and they suppose I must have my own place somewhere, but no one in CA has ever seen any of the other places I've lived in. I've never gotten to show my friends my cute armchair, or that picture or that rug or whatever. And we can never contribute by hosting a holiday or even a gathering; so we're excited to be able to do that. I can't wait for my family to come up and see us when the baby's born, either. Anyway, Thanksgiving should be warm and cozy and full of good food (that I will not have to attempt making all by myself--Hallelujah!!), and then Robert and Cheryl said they want to take us baby shopping before they leave. Fun!!
Next: I got the week of Christmas off! I didn't think they'd let me! So I called the Sutter billing office in Sacramento and found out that--more great news--they have a provider number with Idaho Medicaid, so that if I happened to go into labor while at my parents', we wouldn't be stuck with a huge medical bill for the delivery! So basically, if we can get plane tickets with an airline that will still allow me to fly after I'm 36 weeks (I hit that mark on Christmas Eve, darnit), and if no complications arise before then, if I'm not dilated, etc., etc., WE CAN GO TO MY PARENTS' HOUSE FOR CHRISTMAS!!!
See, I look forward to Christmas for months and months; I LOVE it. And I've never spent it anywhere but at home. The idea of being here, just the two of us, with no family for it...well, that's like a personal nightmare for me. (I love Jason, but we get to be "just the two of us" all the time. Don't worry, he gets it and feels the same.) So this was really, really great news. Now I just have fingers and toes crossed that my pregnancy will continue to go well so that nothing will get in the way of us and that plane!
So, I actually have some things to look forward to! A month or so ago, I really felt like there wasn't anything. We knew we couldn't go very far for Thanksgiving, and our last one really stunk (we both had to work). Christmas was a big fat question mark. (Still kind of is, but I'm trying not to think that way. Even if we can't go, at least we'll get to see both sets of parents beforehand.) When you're so far away from everyone, it means a lot to have opportunities like this.
As for the pregnancy, really can't complain. I've probably gained about 12 or 13 pounds by now, and in a few more days I'll hit the six months mark. Then I'll officially be in the home stretch! (With no marks to show it. None yet. Hope, hope, hope.) No swelling, only some achiness and tiredness if I overdo it, and my muscles pull easily. I've actually felt pretty energetic most of the time lately. That will probably dwindle soon; I'm having to use the bathroom more in the last week or so. Every single night, I dream about the kicks I feel becoming visual: I see an actual foot shape poking out of my abdomen, and in the dreams, I can actually grab the little foot through my skin. Then I can usually see in there, see the baby, which is what I wish could happen every day.
Last night, I dreamt that I could see him and he was a little light brown baby, because I had apparently married Barack Obama. I was very happy to see Jason and not Barack next to me when I woke up.
Wow, this has been long. I'm probably boring all you poor people to death.
Oh! One more! Sam and Christy want to give me another shower for my friends when (if :S) I'm home for Christmas! How fun will that be! I miss all my friends so much, it will be awesome! And they are so awesome for wanting to do that for me!
I am so blessed. I have wonderful, amazing family and friends, I have the Lord, I have an incredible husband...I'm so blessed.
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